Heartbrokenchild

I need you to understand that I am not forgetting because I want to.        I’m not keeping quiet because I’m upset with you I am keeping my distance not because I don’t trust you  I do not trust myself. My memory is shot, like the needles that have pierced through my veins                  Heart is faded, like the scars I’ve numerously tried to rid. My silence is loud, like the screams during the night      The trust is gone, like the feeling of safety as a child Sleepless nights        Terrors & frights Fewer bites         Longer flights Looking in mirror          Seeing the young child Age four, leaving

Part of me wishes for success. I want to go to school. I want to be able to bind. To go to the gym The make friends, to laugh. To be happy. Part of me knows, that this is difficult. I mean, someone like me, how can one be happy? How can I succeed? Is there such a thing as success? And if there is Is success measured in filling the bank account Or is it in filling our hearts Is it measured in how many numbers are there, or in how much we smile Can we ever fully be happy? Can we ever be full? Will we ever be at peace with ourselves Or once we have what we need, will we simply search for another reason to be unhappy? How can one